By Rev. Thabiti
At first, most of us experience the magical power of attraction in our biggest relationships. There is an initial thrill, emotional gravity and adventure of starting again with a brand new person who is nothing like the previous mistake. New relationships often begin with such promise and potential that in many cases seems outright indestructible.
Then, as Life would have it, perceptions start changing as more and more truth (hidden beneath the make-up or façade) keeps coming to the surface. As this happens, we begin to see shortcomings and imperfections in the other person. As a result of noticing flaws in our once blossoming romance, if the relationship does not work out, it is common belief that the other person now has to be made wrong in some way or perceived to be defective.
The main reason why relationships don’t work out (aside from betrayal, violent or sexual abuse) is because someone in the relationship decided to make it more about themselves. This type of selfishness simply means that “what matters to me is more important than what matters to you.” It means that someone is not behaving the way we expect or want him or her to be—instead of allowing or accepting them for being who they are in reality.
If we continue approaching relationships on the basis of what we think we will get from the other person and, if what we want does not happen, then we will continue to end up unhappy in relationships. When the average person is unhappy in a relationship, it has to be the other person’s fault, right? A better approach towards getting into relationships would be to ask “how may I serve you?’ instead of “what’s in it for me?”
By understanding that everyone is doing the best they can, given their situation, background experience, education, beliefs or lack of understanding makes it easier for us to stop making others wrong. Beneath our surface level differences, we are all the same, meaning that if you were the other person (walking in their shoes), you would be exactly the same way they are.
We all must grow to accept Life for all that it is and all that it is not. There is but one I am expressing itself through everybody. From I am male to I am female, from I am black to I am white and from I am Democrat to I am Republican—it is still the same I am.
We must allow the truth to be itself, knowing that it is the evolutionary impulse of the ever-expanding good. The fundamental purpose of the truth is to unshackle us from erroneous beliefs that obstruct our ability to enjoy the gift of life today.
We often say that we want the truth and then get disappointed or angry every time the truth isn’t what we want it to be. The truth does not exist to conform to us—we must conform to the truth. When we learn to love what we get, then we will always get what we love. The next time a relationship fails, remember the higher or Spiritual truth behind everything that says “I will either give you who you want or someone better.”
Rev. Thabiti is the CEO at thepower.com, executive director at thepower.org and is the inventor of the Personal Time-Map System. He also officiates at weddings and funerals. He can be contacted directly at CEO@thepower.com.