By Meghan Bailey
Photos by Casey Jade Photo
Henry Ford once said, “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” I am a little over the halfway point of my journey. A journey that began because of complacency in my life; I wasn’t opening my mind, body and soul to the possibilities that the world wanted to offer me. The Bored of Me Project was set in motion to change those closed avenues and allow me to feel alive again.
As with anything people seek out to accomplish, the first part, or honeymoon phase, sets in and you feel empowered and engaged in ensuring your goal is achieved, but then you may fail. In my case, I failed hard.
The first six months of this project were euphoria. I started to find my soul again. I fostered new friendships, gained a love for being active again and enjoyed forging new paths. I don’t know when it happened, but I started to slip back into an auto-pilot mindset. I decided to watch TV instead of picking up a new book, I stopped striking up conversations out of fear of rejection and ultimately lost the vision of why I was doing this project in the first place.
A swift kick in my ass by none other than yours truly, I spent a quiet Sunday afternoon rock climbing alone and thinking about my project. Where was I at, why did I slip back into my old habits? The answer was simple; it wasn’t something I needed to find grit for, my past life was easy. I knew what I was doing when I was doing it, and always knew how to do it.
For a solid week I blamed myself for giving up and failing, but in reality, I didn’t fail; I fought. I knew the project veered off course and I made the steps to grab the wheel of life again. Because, in the words of Mr. Ford, I had to approach the last half with more intention. The intention to realize not everything in my life needed to change and it would be okay if I incorporated who I was with who I wanted to be, I just had to do it more intelligently.
… not everything in my life needed to change …
Once I brushed away the self-inflicted shame for “failing” myself, I went back to the basics. Starting with the million-dollar question: What do I want? Which isn’t an easy question to answer, mainly because what you want may not be available to you right now. You may want to attend college, buy a bigger house, get married, start a family, but it may not be available, yet. And, this was the key takeaway for me. What I want isn’t available to me yet.
In January, I wrote a list. I didn’t realize what I wanted, I just knew I wanted something different and, by giving myself tasks to complete, I felt that it would shake up my inner-fire and reinvigorate the Meghan I was looking for. In the first six months of my Project, I completed almost all my tasks, even down to microblading my eyebrows at Bladed Art. While I can’t complain about the leaps my looks took, the list I made was just a list. There was no purpose other than to shake up the norm.
This is why I failed. I didn’t realize at the time, jumping in is great, but you also have to know how to swim with the current. I didn’t know how to cope when things started not to feel new; when pieces of my safety net came back together. It was easy to slip back to where I was months ago. Luckily for me, I still have another five months left. I have reevaluated my goals and set forth on a new path. One that will mix old with new, one that will keep a maintainable fire burning. Feeling failure has only validated how important this project is to me. The new roadmap is on the table, here I go.Follow along with Meghan Bailey and her Bored of Me Project at LifecycleDiaries.com and read in Las Vegas Woman magazine. Follow her on Instagram @MeghanBaylee.